He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
