i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
