I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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