i already hear my dad disowning me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
