No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize