His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
ok first of all what the fuck
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
