I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
