Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize