if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm too high and old for this...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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