highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
