Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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