physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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