i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
