we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize