I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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