If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
