Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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