i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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