I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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