im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
