I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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