so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
