Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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