Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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