I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize