Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
