Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
