she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
