if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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