Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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