what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have demons in me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize