This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
