I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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