I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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