I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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