I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
