i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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