You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We got so high we made milksteak
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
