I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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