Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
