Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
