with your own penis?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
