I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
