Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
