I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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