i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
