Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
