I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
