I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize