I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
