come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
