the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
