I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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