Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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