Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
