i think my tv is drunk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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