I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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