exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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