ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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