Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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