Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
