I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
