he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
