When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
