Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
