my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
