I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
